Dr Rick Brinkman, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand – InnovaBuzz 292
Dr Rick Brinkman, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand
In this episode, it’s a privilege to have as my guest, Dr Rick Brinkman, a motivational speaker and trainer best known for his Conscious Communication®️ expertise conveyed to millions of people via keynotes and trainings, radio, television, print interviews, and numerous award-winning books, videos and audio programs. He is co-author of the international bestselling book, Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst.
In our discussion, Rick and I talked about:
- Observing things and people through the “Lens of Appreciation”
- Working on yourself first – listening to understand and speaking to be understood
- Chunking up to common purpose using the Intent-Criteria-Idea framework
Dr Gleb Tsipursky in episode 270 introduced us to Rick.
Listen to the podcast to find out more.
Listen to the PodcastThe more you can change yourself, the more you automatically change everybody around you. @DrRickBrinkman on #InnovaBuzz podcast Click To Tweet
Show Notes from this episode with Dr Rick Brickman, Co-Author of Dealing with Difficult People
Key points and takeaways from this episode include:
- A symptom is a metaphor for what is going on.
- If you suppress too much for someone you care about, it builds up a barrier between the two of you.
- Communication, relationships, fulfillment, and self-esteem are the foundations of one’s health and wellness.
- Clarify your values. Set your goals. Break them into action plans, and tune up your self-esteem.
- How you feel about yourself internally is how you would probably feel externally.
- Behaviour is like clothing. It will be different depending on where you are going, what the weather is, and who you’re going to be with. Behaviours change in the context of who we are, what’s going on, and who we are with.
- People may seem to be different in a certain way but they are not like that all the time. You don’t know who they can be. If you believe that they are that way all the time, that’s going to block you from being successful with them.
- You can only pay attention to seven give or take or two things at any time consciously.
- If you believe that somebody’s personality is negative, you’ll get trapped in your own beliefs. It is very important to separate behaviour and personality.
- Adjusting our attitudes and being flexible in our behaviours all start internally.
- You may not be comfortable in all situations but keep in mind that everything that you know, you’ve learned at one point from nothing when you were born so you have to learn to be flexible.
- You are flexible. You are not locked in. You are not set in their ways. You can learn new tricks. The change has to happen in your head.
- The more you can change yourself, the more you automatically change everybody around you.
- When you start to see yourself, you recognise a level of innocence, and it’s easier to change.
- There are four areas we always have within us – we want to get things done, get things right, get along, and get appreciated.
- Like in any team sport, people play different positions. At the simplest level, there is a defense and offense. It is not that one is right and the other is wrong. It is both of them doing their part and their best together and integrating that, that creates the highest outcome. When you start to recognise where people are coming from, then, you’ll know that they are playing in positions.
- When you open your eyes to how you are, you can then open your eyes to how other people are, and you’ll start to see things that were right there all the time at a different level that you didn’t notice before.
- To project positive intent means to act like the other person and knowing that whatever that they are doing or saying is coming from the best intentions. It’s all about meeting them with their beliefs and where they might be coming from.
- When you project positive intent, people will step in that direction. Intent opens people’s minds and makes it feel safe.
- Communication is like a phone number. You need all the digits and you need them in the right order. The intent is like the area code. It is the first part of the phone number that will get you in the right general vicinity with people.
- Intent – Idea – Criteria: When people have an idea, it originates with an intent. They then run the intent through a criteria that pop the idea.
- As the receiver of communication, it is your responsibility to first clarify and understand because you can’t depend on people to communicate clearly.
- Communicating using the intent-idea-criteria framework eliminates a huge percent of conflict. Always seek first to understand and present your communication in that order.
- One of the most powerful communication skills you can build is to develop the muscle to totally put aside something you really want to say and focus on the other person. Let them feel understood first. An argument is nothing more than two people who want to be understood very badly at the same time but nobody is able to do it. If one person can put aside what he has to say, the argument is over.
- When you think you understood something, keep asking more questions, because then, you’ll realise that you haven’t truly understood yet.
- A person’s intent and criteria are two of the most important things you can understand right off the bat.
- When listening to someone, give them meaningful looks and occasional grunts. Let them say whatever they wanted to say. Then, give them a summary of what they said. It shows them that you’re listening.
- When you ask questions to find out more, it shows people you care. Listening and caring gives people the feeling of being understood.
- Reflect on what someone has said. Dig a little deeper. You’ll be surprised at what you thought you understood, you really didn’t understand or perhaps you understood but didn’t get the key element of what you really need to understand.
- As you give, you will receive. Develop that skill to make people feel understood first.
- If you just keep asking questions without a statement of intent, it will seem like an interrogation. Give people permission to process and think about what you said. There’s a right place and time for conversations.
The Buzz – Our Innovation Round
Here are Rick’s answers to the questions of our Innovation round. Listen to the interview to get the full scoop.
- #1 thing to be more innovative – Take action. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Dream, plan, believe, and act. When we marry intention with action, miracles happen. Half fast action is better than perfect procrastination.
- Best thing for new ideas – Pay attention to the world around you. Have fun. When you are having fun, you learn and take away something more.
- Favourite tool for innovation – Things app and Mind Maps.
- Keep project/client on track – Have a shared map of what you are doing and when you are going to do it.
- Differentiate – Ask yourself what you want and what’s your dream. Imagine being there and walk your way back from that point.
To Be a Leader
When things get tough, remember life is not a test. It’s an actual emergency.
You can reach out and thank Rick through his website.
Rick suggested I interview his co-author for Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, Dr Rick Kirschner. So Rick, keep an eye on your inbox for an invitation from us to the InnovaBuzz podcast, courtesy of Dr Rick Brickman.
- Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, Revised and Expanded Third Edition: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst
- Dealing With Meetings You Can’t Stand: Meet Less and Do More
- Dealing with Difficult People: 24 Lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone
- Dealing with Relatives: Your Guide to Successful Family Relationships E-book
- Love Thy Customer: Creating Delight, Preventing Dissatisfaction, and Pleasing Your Hardest-to-Please Customer
Cool things about Rick
- He is known for his trademark style of Educating through Entertainment using stand up comedy and storytelling to grab people’s attention, make the learning memorable and create real behavioral change.
- He has received numerous awards including Funniest Speaker of the Year by the Sales Forum and the Institute for Management Studies (IMS) Distinguished Faculty Award.
- He earned his Doctorate in Naturopathic Medicine from National College of Naturopathic Medicine, Portland, OR.