Paul Sockett, How to Make Conscious Choices and Lead a More Streamlined Life – InnovaBuzz 444

Paul Sockett, Storyteller, Artist, and Coach

In this episode, I’m really excited to have as my guest, Paul Sockett, a professional actor, storyteller, and voice artist. Paul is a coach, holding space for others to explore the story their physical stuff is telling, and how they can claim their space in alignment with their truth. He helps people write bios and copy that they connect with and are excited to share, instead of ticking the terminology boxes and simply getting it out of the way.

Paul is a nomad, a writer, and a creator, exploring places and ways to invite curiosity and listening to intuition.

In our discussion, Paul talked to me about:

• How the stuff we collect and store defines the stories we tell about ourselves
• Gathering information vs answers and proof of opinion
• Choice is always available

Jeff Harry in episode 428 introduced us to Paul.

Listen to the podcast to find out more.

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Show Notes from this episode with Paul Socket, Storyteller, Artist, and Coach

Key points and takeaways from this episode include:

• We all have a story. 
• Every person has an impact. Whatever you do, say, and however you show up in the world, there is some ripple that happens as a result of that.
• It’s not true that you have to do something more significant to have a bigger impact. New doesn’t necessarily mean it’s life-changing. New is just something that is different.
• Scaling impact down to our personal needs gives us a wider of array of choices.
• The more habits we get into, the longer those habits go for, and the less we consciously choose that thing each time we do it.
• Habits are there because we cannot exist in a world where everything we experience is new every time.
• Habits are the things that we do that allow us to compartmentalise and impart our life for us to live.
• We don’t get to choose our habits because we have to be less conscious for it to happen. Habits exist because we are adapting to convenience, safety, and certainty.
• Certainty and uncertainty are not polar opposites.
• There is often a difference between what is true for you in this moment and the identity that you are trying to provide evidence for through the physical stuff that you have.
• Words are important. They are part of the stuff that we have. Every word we choose has been conditioned and shaped through our lived experiences The words we choose provide evidence of the identity that we want the world to see of us.
• Societal identity is making us choose an identity that people will see is in us whether that is true or not. 
• Habits are neither good nor bad, and they are not yours.
• There are no answers, only information. You don’t need the answers. All you need to do is gather information and make a choice in the present.
• A flower has to open in order to live further, propagate, and allow insects to pollinate, and the same is true about our lives.
• Stay in the present, and don’t be affected by past WHYs and future WHYs. The past why is why you got it in the first place. The future why is why you should continue to keep it. The present why just takes all the information that you have in that moment and allows you to make a choice based on your needs and wants. It’s not about keeping or not keeping. It’s about aligning with the story that you had and the story that you are trying to provide to others.
• Be present and know that vulnerability exists.
• You don’t have to have sacrifice your human needs to protect somebody that you don’t agree with, because our human needs are the only thing that we can ever sacrifice without the need of anybody else.
• Relationships should be an internal to external perspective rather than external to internal where you are hoping that everyone thinks you are a nice person. 
• You are nice person. You are a value-led human being that is able to say words with love, care, and grace. You are curious and interested. But if you adopt the process of trying to protect a person that you don’t agree with, you are instantly negating all of those qualities. 
• You can’t impact other people’s behaviours, values, or beliefs system, but you can impact your response to them.
• We bring the stuff we collect, our vocabulary and beliefs, as an individual into our relationships. The other person has the same. We can choose to share a space together or create a new shared space in that relationship. 
• The central space in a relationship is not for two individuals to exist within. It is for two individuals to create a new shared space. It is not a win or lose. It is a win-win. 
• Everyone has a different definition of every word that exists based on their lived experiences.
• Gathering answers and evidence, not information, prevents someone from making a new choice.
• There is no such thing as right or wrong because everyone’s evaluation system is different. Therefore, right and wrong cannot exist.
• Winning and losing isn’t a thing. It is a social structure. If you relinquish the need for victory or loss, it means that you are in a playing field. It becomes a game rather than a conversation.
• You can be curious about someone but that requires trust. You have to build that trust that the other person will believe what you say.
• You get to choose how much you want to be vulnerable in every relationship and interaction that you have, and that’s OK. But if you are consciously trying to avoid being vulnerable at all, that’s different, because it is not a present choice.
• Step into that space where you can practice vulnerability from where your energy or emotion sits in the moment with the person you are with. Taking factual contexts into consideration is where engaged and honest conversations happen. It’s a beautiful place to be in, but some people aren’t there yet, and that’s OK.
• Choice is the only thing you ever have control over. Regardless of whatever is happening, you only ever have a choice.
• Choice never stops. It is that constant ability to make a choice that is the most freeing thing that you can have in your life, because the choice that you made is not a choice that you have to keep making.
• You are not responsible for other people’s reactions. It doesn’t mean you are a selfish or cruel. It means that you don’t have to take responsibility for how they feel about you being truthful. If you are sharing your truth and it’s not coming from a place of manipulation, then you are not responsible for their response. 
• We can see and feel if someone understands us or not. You have to trust that that person will let you know if what you are saying isn’t clear to them,  so that you can have a choice to either change your words or reshape your sentence in a way that still aligns with how you feel, because that person gave you the invitation to be honest and tailor your words to help them understand it. 
• Use honouring instead of valuing. Valuing is a very corporatized word.
• Making an assumption about what a customer needs and wants is not being of service, but providing service. It is shaping the space for something to exist where it might not be what the person needs or wants.
• A coach is someone who desires to be of service through holding space for other people to explore what they need to explore, not someone who simply creates products to sell. A coach is someone who uses their lived experience to be of service to others, not someone who is trying to tailor the experiences of people through the thing they’ve created.

The Buzz – Our Innovation Round

Here are Paul’s answers to the questions of our innovation round. Listen to the conversation to get the full scoop.

1. #1 thing to be more innovative – Be curious. Ask questions and be genuinely interested in something. There is something in this world that you are curious about in this moment, and you are allowed to go find it.
2. Best thing for new ideas – Writing.
3. Favourite tool for innovation – Pen and paper. 
4. Keep project/client on track –  Invite people back from the paved path. Get them off the track that they know into choosing the next first step for it. 
5. Differentiate – Stop trying to differentiate yourself. Make a conscious choice. Feel what is true to you and say the words that are true to you knowing that you are different by standard. Don’t try to be different and trust that being different is a constant.

To Be a Leader

You are enough as you are at this moment. You are everything you need and you always have a choice.

Reach Out

You can reach out and thank Paul through his website.

Suggested Guest

Paul suggested we have a conversation with business coach, Angie Cole of Untaming the Wild. So Angie, keep an eye on your inbox for an invitation from us to the InnovaBuzz Podcast, courtesy of Paul Sockett.

Links

• Website – Paul Sockett
• Twitter – @PaulSockett
• LinkedIn
• Instagram

Cool Things About Paul

• He was a featured Mercenary in the movie,  Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.
• He played Mr. Marl & Ensemble (and Understudy Monster) in the UK Tour of A Monster Calls.
• He was an actor and ensemble member in the United Kingdom & Eire tour of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

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